No rights or wrongs…

In order to gain a better perspective on the Zionist-Arab issue, I decided to read some local Israeli newspapers today. As I had mentioned before on this post, I wanted to delve more into the Jewish viewpoint on the entire issue, as I wasn’t sure if I was getting an unbiased analysis, here in the Middle East.

Anyway, after having read a few articles in one of the Israeli dailies, I am now more confused than ever. Not to mention, utterly weary and depressed. As is the case with most issues, there is no right or wrong side in this one, either. Both sides have perpetrators as well as victims, in seemingly equal measures.

Quite a few of those articles and comments were filled with vengeance, hatred, and bordering on fanaticism. Having gone through so many years of strife, is obviously the reason for such strong sentiments. I feel so disconnected when I come across such extremist views. Maybe, because I have never felt so strongly about my religion. I am not sure, if I feel that way about my country even. I definitely consider myself patriotic, because I love my country, and I am immensely proud of its heritage. But isn’t patriotism a relative word ? I don’t know, to what extent I would go for the sake of my motherland. Does the fact, that I choose to live away from India, in order to have a better quality of life and to make more money, make me any less patriotic ? I guess so…

In any case, I consider myself blessed to have been born in a free country…moreover, a democracy.

Self-Personified !

Sometimes, I wonder if my blog is really a true reflection of my personality. I have no idea, what sort of a person i come across as. Hopefully not a cynical, pessimistic whiner with no confidence in herself, or in the workings of the world.

Instead, a sensitive, caring, fun-filled, brave, intelligent and articulate woman brimming with confidence and positivity…

Aah…I got carried away describing myself (the best version of myself, rather !)

Just for a day, let me try to be the best I can ! Gee Personified….:-))

My cycle of worries…

Ever since I have learnt the Vipassana form of meditation, I have become acutely aware of my breathing patterns and my heartbeat. I always thought, it is a good thing.

But, I am not so sure about that anymore. Every time my heartbeat quickens, it worries me. It has now become a vicious cycle. I worry…my breathing becomes shallow and laboured, my heart starts pacing at a higher rate…and that realisation, instead of calming me down (like it is supposed to) gets me all the more worked up !

Something is not right…or maybe, I am just weird !

Introspection does not suit me !

Over the past few days, I have been indulging in a lot of blog-hopping (yes, I have turned into one of those people who shamelessly surf the Internet during office hours…in my defense, I always make sure I finish my work on time, so there !)

I find that many blogs, in their quest to be contemplative, end up sounding a little gloomy. Personally, this applies to me too (in life, not on my blog hopefully). Whenever I go into one of those self-introspective moods, it simply leads to misery. Introspection supposedly awakens people. In my case, it only depresses me further, almost leading me to the conclusion that I might as well refrain from it entirely !

I wonder how people achieve that balance. To observe yourself carefully without turning self-critical. That is something, I have yet to learn…

Droopy ‘n’ Sad…

I am not my happy self nowadays. Something feels wrong. Rather not-so-right.

My heart paces very quickly most of the time. I feel restless and unsure…and worried.

It’s just a temporary phase, I guess. I shouldn’t be giving it much importance.

Or maybe life is throwing hints at me. I need to set a few things right. The best way to start would be to get the daily 15 minute meditation practice going. About time I stopped making flimsy excuses to avoid it.

Hmmm….

(I love the fact that this blog gives me a chance to air my expressions and emotions freely…yet privately enough, so that I don’t run the risk of getting my family and friends all worried, every time I put up such a mopey post !)

 

Fingers crossed !

I NEED LUCK !

I REALLY DO !

If there is someone up there listening to me, please make it all happen. Pretty please !!

My Driver !

A few facts about my driver and his family, which were gradually revealed to me, over our one-month long association (still going strong, despite initial doubts !)

* He has eight children, back in Pakistan, with ages ranging between 5 and 25 !

* He has a sister who is incidentally younger than his eldest son !

* The reason he chose to have so many kids, is because he desperately wanted a daughter. After bearing seven sons, his wife finally gave birth to a girl. And that is when they decided to give this entire process a halt. (I am wondering at what point they would have given up, if the eighth one also happened to be a boy !)

Incidentally, this guy keep complaining about his poor finances. Understandably so. He has two younger sisters to get married off, and eight kids to educate. And his salary is a meagre 3000 Dirhams. To top it all, he has some expensive habits too. He smokes nearly 60 cigarettes a day. Clearly, neither his troublesome, incessant cough nor the recent move by the Government in increasing cigarette prices, has deterred this man ! And, he drinks a peg or two every alternate day.

Every time he starts talking about his diminishing savings and his deteriorating health, the same thoughts keep running across my mind…’What were you thinking when you produced eight kids…How do you think your health is going to improve with your smoking and drinking habits’ !

But, I guess there is no point in being so patronising. Who knows, if I was born in the same circumstances as him, I might have made the same mistakes too. Anyway, I do give him a dose now and then, about his smoking habit. Hopefully, it will make a difference to him someday !

 

 

  

 

Livejournal – the next victim !

Today morning, as is my usual routine, I logged in to Livejournal to check a few blogs (quite a few of my friends, as well as my sister blog on LJ). To my horror, I find that this country has now gone on to ban LJ too, as it falls under the category of those sites which are apparently inconsistent with the religious, cultural, political, and moral values of the UAE.

What next ?!!!

There is a complete clamp on freedom of expression here. I am so disappointed. I had a completely different image of Dubai before I landed here. I agree it is a lot more liberal than some other countries in this region, but it falls short majorly when it come to such things…

It might be a better idea for them to put a blanket ban on Internet itself.

All dried up !

I feel really demotivated nowadays, when it comes to posting on my blog ! I feel, I don’t have anything worthwhile to write about. At the same time, I do want to develop the habit of blogging regularly…maybe to maintain some sort of a discipline, or maybe to provide a vent for my expression.

Either way, it isn’t working !

I envy people who can write, whenever they choose to…:-(

My Secret Blog !

I wonder when I’ll ever muster the courage to inform my family and friends, that I have a blog of my own ! I have told S about its existence, but refused to give him the link to it !

Some day………