What else has been happening?
I was planning on joining a new Yoga centre that has just opened up close to our home. But, I am not yet entirely convinced somehow. Yesterday, I had a short chat with my Yoga teacher in the gym that I currently work out at. I mentioned to her that my gym membership ends end of next month, and I might as well join a Yoga centre because I only seem to attend Yoga classes in the gym anyway.
She didn’t seem very convinced about my joining the new place. Instead, she suggested that I join the Iyengar centre that also, luckily, is not too far away from my place. It is also quite affordable compared to any other Yoga class in this city nowadays! I need to discuss this with S and make a decision very soon before any of these places hike up their rates.
While chatting with her, I also happened to mention to her that I would love to do a Teachers’ training program someday. She suggested to me that I should first devote an entire year to just practicing Yoga and then think of this. Maybe she has a valid point. Somehow, I don’t seem to have much of an interest in a private practice. Although, I know this is a very important aspect of being a Yoga practitioner or a teacher.
This blog is meant to chronicle things that matter to me. If someone were to read it though, one would think I am so goddamn self centred…or perhaps, boring. I seem to keep writing about my worries and work. Maybe I should consider writing one post solely to deal with my anxieties, and yet another one about other worldly matters.
So, this one is going to be pretty much about work. Yesterday was a very okay, peaceful day. Sum had to prepare the decks since it was his turn. I think, he managed fine without too many hiccups. Phew! This means, he can backup for me when I take time off. That is a huge relief!
But he also told me something yesterday that was quite disconcerting for the both of us. Apparently, we are supposed to conduct the cadence calls starting next quarter or so. My initial reaction was to freak out. But, let’s look at the facts. That is why I am here in this role. Or else, we could both be made redundant in no time! This is an opportunity to stand up to the occasion. Whether I manage to do it or not remains to be seen.
I am intelligent. I speak and understand reasonably good German. So, I have far better chances of making this work than someone else in my position. Let’s count the things I could do to make this transition smoother,
- Try to say a few words during the calls that I currently participate in (data quality issues, IQR discrepancies, follow up mails that were sent to LIOs, action items from previous calls, etc.)
- Listen to more of German podcasts related to sales/business/technology maybe
- Try to figure out and note down what kinda information Stefu notes down and then updates Madl about
- Start implementing above :-)
There are two ways I could look at this development,
Panic and freak out and lose confidence and think of it as a disaster that i am definitely going to fail at
Look at it as an opportunity to prove myself. Worst case, I fail terribly at this and make a fool of myself and get terrible ratings and get fired. Okay. Look for another translation job in that case.
Breathe deep and let go…
This has been an interesting weekend!
Met Geo for breakfast on Saturday morning. Was good fun catching up with him after a long time. We did meet up not so long ago, but that was with a large group. And the conversations always take a different turn in a large group versus one-on-one. So yeah, we’ll catch up more often hopefully!
I didn’t plan much else for the day because I thought of keeping it free for Pin. But, he ended up getting busy with work. So, I ended up meeting Ran for dinner. That was totally unplanned and a lat minute kinda thing. We had a nice time chatting away, while munching pizzas at Onesta. Ended up exchanging notes on relationships, career anxiety, contraception and what not! :-)
Yesterday was a long day spent at Nandi with cousins and Pin. Ended up having some intense conversations about religion, spirituality and many other topics. Pin and I went out for dinner after that, where the conversations continued. Have to say, it was a very illuminating conversation in many aspects, and I got a different perspective on some things. Need to give it more thought and really let it all sink in. Worth trying a different approach. Let me try encapsulating the gist of it at least,
- Being competitive is something that comes naturally to me. Rather than fighting it all the time, it might make more sense to take advantage of it. For instance, try being super awesome in handling escalations or stressful situations instead of considering an escalation or a negative review an end in itself. Expand the realm of competitiveness and being awesome. More stressful the situation, more equanimity I strive for…that could be the goal.
- I think, I have found my word for the year. Or for now, let’s stick to a month. Equanimity.
- The duality in my head is constantly creating stress. Because I end up judging myself based on my awareness. For instance, the awareness that I am being judgmental, petty, anxious, or any other such negative emotion is a positive thing. Awareness is the first step to improvement after all. But I end up turning it into a negative thing by judging myself for it. Consider yourself a work in progress. Awareness is the first step. Give yourself time to get there. You will.
- Do not underestimate the importance of incremental improvement. Time and patience is what you need. One step at a time. Your motivation to excel will get you there in time. Might as well enjoy the journey too :-)
- People who always seem to have things under control, or seem to have these qualities come ‘naturally’ to them have also been working hard at it…consciously or sub-consciously. It comes with practice. So, don’t give up. And don’t compare yourself to others. This is your own journey!
- You’re never given a problem to solve without the potential to do it. I mean, if the challenge was way out of your league, you wouldn’t even try it in the first place. For instance, if I were asked to run a company or climb the Mt. Everest today, I would laugh it off. Because, it is not even in the realm of possibility. Typically, the challenges we face are workable. And if you do fail it at, learn from it. Try to understand, what skill set was lacking, so you can build on it.
- Instead of wondering and worrying all the time, whether the stakeholders love my work, it might make more sense to periodically check with them if they have any feedback. At worst, they will have negative feedback. In that case, you will know what you need to work on, and they will appreciate the fact that you asked! At best, they will say that they actually like your work. So you can breathe peacefully :-)
- Really listen to other person’s point of view, even if you might seem opposed to it initially. Give the person a fair chance. Try being convinced by the person. You might end up learning something new and gaining perspective on an issue.
- Breeeeeeeeeeathe……..and let go.
And how are we feeling today?
Yesterday turned out to be okay. Went to MTP for the training session, which was unfortunately the last one. I feel like I’m completely on my own now. Although, it has actually been that way for a while now. But meeting Mit every week was comforting in a way. Such a nice guy to know!
We also had a phone call with Theo yesterday to understand the stuff that he does on a regular basis. I need to somehow make it clear to him that S is going to handle the SWS portion majorly. Anyway, he didn’t seem like a very bad guy after all.
I just don’t feel like going to work today. Guess, I should somehow push myself to go though! Tomorrow will be even more difficult.
Might go to Kerala this weekend with Pin. Only if he can get off from work and we can arrange a car. It could be hectic but fun, I guess! Even if we don’t end up going, I’ll probably meet Jaw and Shiv. Let’s see how things turn out.
Mantra for today: Deep breathing from the belly and a smile on my face :-)
I don’t know where to start. So much to say and yet when it comes to putting down my thoughts on paper…my mind goes blank. Let’s collect random thoughts then…
Sometime ago, loneliness seemed to be a recurring concept with me. For the moment, anxiety seems to have taken its place sometimes alternating with depression. I am scared to use the word for fear that it might actually come true (if it isn’t already!)
There is no point really in trying to cover it all up and convincing myself that I am calm and happy, right? Let’s just try ‘acceptance’ instead. Observe and accept whatever experience I am going through.
Gosh, I never thought this blog is going to be all about my internal state of affairs. I mean, thoughts related to my state of mind only. I guess, this kinda obsession is unhealthy. It’s one thing being sad or anxious…but there’s no point obsessing over it all day long and in a sense trying to ‘cure’ it, right? It is what it is. And it is a temporary state of mind.
There are some moments of lucidity and ‘neutral’ thoughts. On this quiet morning, for instance, where I just try to savour the silence at home and stare at the trees outside. And jot down my thoughts over here.
What if today was my last day on earth?
OHHHH MY GOD
I am sick and tired of stressing out. Actually exhausted…
Firstly, PMS. And then, this job. To top it all, S is gone for two whole weeks. I was this close to bursting into tears! But, the day went okay.
I think I should definitely write here every day about things that stressed me out majorly and then turned out to be not so bad eventually. For instance, the call today with B and S that I was so worried about. It turned out okay, I guess. In my nervousness, I forgot to even ask her how her health has been. But she wasn’t particularly friendly either. Very curt and to the point. Guess, that’s alright. We just need to have a decent working relationship.
But S leaving on another trip really sucks! He is such a source of strength for me. I would wither away without him.
I don’t know what’s with this feeling of anxiety that I seem to be carrying with me most of the time…make it, all the time! Kind of a churning feeling in my tummy. And then I realise I am not breathing freely. I know it has got to do with my new job.
So far, the job has been going alright. But I keep fearing, something is going to go awfully wrong. As though, everyone around is just waiting for me to falter a little and then make a fuss out of it and escalate matters. To the point of my losing this job! Height of over-reaction, eh :-)
Maybe it has to do with all the stuff that happened to the guys who were in this role before I took over. I shouldn’t let that get to me so much! It is in the past…let it lie there! Breathe easy…and smile. That shouldn’t be so tough. Okay….